Trying to Conceive After a Loss

“You’re more fertile after a miscarriage,” they say. “Women have often gotten pregnant two weeks after a loss,” they say. Well that hasn’t been true for me. Every $7 negative test is a slap in the face. Scratch that — a gut punch.

I’m on my third cycle of actively trying to conceive, with no results. When we weren’t actively “trying,” just hoping, we got pregnant on my second cycle.

When people hear of your loss and try to comfort you, oftentimes they’ll say, “well at least now you know you can get pregnant.” But does getting pregnant once really mean you’re fertile? How do you know it wasn’t a freak occurrence where somehow everything came together just right and the stars were aligned?

They say stress can prevent you from getting pregnant. Well, ok – I’m stressed about not being pregnant. But I haven’t been back to my 9 to 5 since my loss, so I don’t know how much stress I can reasonably say I’m under.

They say not having a healthy diet or exercise regime can prevent you from getting pregnant, and I will admit that since my loss I have stopped going to the gym or eating right, but crackheads get pregnant. Crackheads give birth to live babies.

I guess my point in writing this, other than to shamelessly vent my frustrations, is to let you know that if you’re in the same boat, you’re not alone. If you’re like me, you hang all your hopes and dreams on getting pregnant immediately because you’re supposedly more fertile after a miscarriage.

If you’ve just experienced your loss, I’d like to give you one tip of advice that I learned the hard way. My advice is this.

You may start obsessing over tracking your cycles, because being un-pregnant is a horrible, lonely experience, and getting back to being pregnant is the only thing you think will make you feel whole again. There’s nothing wrong with trying to conceive immediately. But trust me, do not obsess over tracking your cycles, and by no means should you be taking multiple pregnancy tests a day, one week after you ovulate.

You will only make yourself crazy, waste money (because we all know those First Response tests aren’t cheap), and cause yourself unnecessary pain and frustration. Every negative test made me want to curl up in a ball in the dark for the rest of the day. Just. Don’t. Do it. Don’t make my mistakes.

Obviously testing a few days before your missed period is ok, but be reasonable (unlike me). Get a big box of the “internet cheapies” as they call them in TTC forums, or maybe one First Response a month if you want to test early. I found some internet cheapies that turn positive at 10 mIU/mL (First Response threshold is 6 mIU/mL). So you don’t have to break the bank to get answers early.

As impossible as it may sound, just relax and let things happen the way they should. I’m not saying don’t track your ovulation and do the “baby dance” on your fertile days, I’m just saying don’t become a psycho like I did. Focus on your healing. On your angel baby. You can’t control everything, however tempting it is to try. I thought I could at least control my own body, but I failed and just ended up adding so much more misery and grief to my life.

Good luck and please comment with how long it took you to conceive your rainbow baby ❤

Our wedding rings
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